“Just came out of retirement a little too hard, eh?”

My body is betraying me. I have this tooth situation, a molar that needs a root canal. Except some molars have three roots, which means not just any dentist but an endodontist must do the procedure. I was today years old when I learned that was a thing. I kept putting off the call to the endodontist because “it doesn’t really hurt that bad.”

Yes. I know. Spontaneously it started hurting that bad. The other thing about endodontists is there’s quite a wait list to be seen by one. More on that later.

Okay so back to betrayal. I played in a basketball tournament last weekend. I was a coach for a county rec teams and at the end of the season they have a coach tournament. It was outrageously fun. But I broke my finger.

Ok, I probably broke my finger. It was unconfirmed. But when an appendage looks like that, you assume the worst. After two days of this, I texted my friend, a nurse, asking if I had compartment syndrome.

“I hear about this all the time on TV shows, people are always fracturing things and getting compartment syndrome and my finger is so swollen I think it’s going to explode.”
She was very gracious, “that’s highly unlikely, it’s more of a leg thing, but you never know…”

Ok it’s not compartment syndrome but I decided to go to our notoriously NOT URGENT urgent care. I had to schedule an appointment, you know how I feel about that, and the earliest they could see me was 6:30 PM.

I was seen by a PA whose primary language was not English and he wore a mask the whole time. I do not know what he said but I walked out of there pretty sure compartment syndrome was back on the table and amputation was in my future.

During triage the desk attendant asked why I had checked the box for “fracture.”
Me: It’s purpley blackish and pretty hot and I can’t feel parts of it, but there was no check box for that on the intake form so I went with ‘fracture.’
Her: I see. And what is the outcome you’re hoping for after your visit? You didn’t check anything for that question.
Me: I’d really like to know if it’s fractured and at the very least have it bandaged in some way to cushion it because when I bump it I throw up in my mouth a little but I didn’t see a check box for ‘involuntary mouth vomit’ on the form so I left it blank.
Her: I see. Now how did the injury occur?

Here’s what’s puzzling. I told everybody who asked, that I hurt it playing basketball. I feel this is an adequate explanation in itself. But here is the conversation I had with no fewer than six people, one of whom was my very own niece who herself plays basketball.

Person: How did you hurt it?
Me: Playing basketball.
Person: But how? Do you think you jammed it?
Me: *in my head* DUH.

How does any finger injury happen during a basketball game?

Ok so back to betrayal. I had to stop mid bike trainer to take some motrin because my tooth was flaring up and my finger was throbbing. I crossed paths with Hubs in the kitchen and asked him why the Bible talks so much about parts of the body working together because none of mine were and I’d be better off without them. And he said, “but if you cut off your middle finger you’re really going to cramp your road rage reaction.”

I retorted with the Bible verse that says if your eye causes you to sin you should pluck it out and “as a matter of fact, kids, you won’t believe what happened today. I was driving out of the coffee shop parking lot and a woman waved me forward to let me go ahead of her. I gave her a thumbs up to indicate understanding-“

All three stared at me until Benji’s mouth dropped agape, “oh mom. No. You can’t bend your middle finger!”

“YES. I totally flipped her off while smiling and trying to thank her.”

I think J’s teacher summed it up nicely when asking me how the injury occurred. “I came out of retirement to play in a basketball tournament,” I told her.

“Yeah, and you maybe just came out a little too hard, huh?”

Ok so I did. But we won. It was totally worth it.