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Raiders of the lost and found

My first fatal mistake was forgetting my sunglasses. Perfectly sunny, 85 degree days, stunning pool, but no sunglasses. I was basically blind. Our very accommodating resort had two straw hats in every room for guests to use. Here I am rocking the straw hat in an attempt to preserve my vision. I lasted about 2 hours before deciding sunglasses were a necessity.

I assumed the hotel would have a cheap gift shop where I could replace my glasses. They did not. They had a gift shop, but it was by no means cheap. I knew I was in trouble when I saw all the sunglasses were locked in a glass case.

“But surely you have sunglasses for kids somewhere?”

“Ahhhh no ma’am, very sorry, these are the sunglasses we offer.”

I left to contemplate my options. There was an actual sunglass store in the hotel, but those were like a million dollars, then there was the souvenir store, at slightly less than a million dollars. At dinner that night I asked my sister if I should slip our waiter $20 and ask him to buy me a pair on his way home and bring them back to the resort the next day. We considered this for a minute but decided it was taking the “all-inclusive” thing too far.

“I’ve got it!” I declared that night, “I’ll go to the lost and found and tell them I lost my glasses and surely they have hundreds of pairs there and I’ll just snag one.”

“I feel that’s kind of blurring the lines of ethics.”

“Nobody likes a party pooper.”

The next morning I went to the concierge desk fully expecting them to pull out a big box of sunglasses, hair things, books, the usual lost and found detritus.

False.

“You lost your sunglasses?” says Ramon, the ever helpful concierge. “Yes, we can help you. Where did you lose them?”

This is already more involved than I had planned for but using my quick thinking skills I said “the pool.” Where else would you lose sunglasses, that seemed a safe answer.

“Hmm, let me check our app.”

Oh boy. This is not good.

He then pulls up a web page of a series of pictures, next to the picture is a description: where it was found, estimated value, and the date/time of discovery. He does turn his screen a little bit so I can see it, but not enough that I can read all the details.

He scrolls through quickly until a picture of sunglasses pops up.

“Are these your glasses?”

My second fatal mistake was not taking the first pair offered. But I wanted to play it cool, I didn’t want to seem too eager.

“Ummmmm, I don’t think so, they look a little more brown than mine?”

“Okay, I scroll.”

There was not a single other pair of glasses. I was flabbergasted. How could this be such a huge resort, with so many people, drinking all-inclusively, and NOT losing more glasses?

“Sorry, it is possible no one has turned them in, check back later.”

I walked away dejected, to my sister giving me the I told you so look.

“Well, I guess you’ll have to buy some then. Just ask in the gift shop for the cheapest pair they have,” was her solution.

She went to get a latte (those are all inclusive too, hello caffeine!) and I saw that Ramon had left the concierge desk and a new attendant was there.

An idea popped into my head and I sprang into action. I now knew what the ONLY pair of sunglasses looked like, I could go talk to this guy, describe those glasses, and be set. I darted back over to the desk, gave my little spiel and ended with “they’re kind of brown and black, I left them by the pool, could you please check?”

“Certainly!” says Esteban.

Meantime I am sweating it hardcore because what if Ramon returns? I had no cover story at that point, but this is how desperate I was.

*scroll scroll scroll*

“There!” I declare and jab my finger at the screen. “Those are my glasses!”

Esteban leans in, squints at the picture, “hmmm, no I do not think they are.”

“Yes!” I’m indignant, “they are, those are my glasses.”

“No, you see these were found in a room, you said you left yours by the pool. These cannot be yours.” Esteban is a very good listener, I had boxed myself in a corner by providing too many details in my lie.

*scroll scroll scroll*

I’m already giving up at this point, I know there aren’t any other pairs.

Esteban throws me a bone though, “we have one other place I can look.”

He pulls up a different web page and starts scrolling through different pictures. I see a pair of black sunglasses flash on the screen. I learned my lesson and this time immediately state my ownership.

“Are you sure? Let’s zoom in and look at the brand, does that look like yours? They look darker than the other ones.” Esteban has excellent attention to detail too.

“Well, yes, but see I left my house very early yesterday and I have lots of sunglasses, so I just grabbed a pair out of the drawer. I have brown ones and black ones and all sorts, so this could very well be my pair.”

He purses his lips, he’s skeptical, but he’s also accommodating, “okay, well if you’re sure, I will ask my colleague to fetch them.”

Victory is nigh.

“While she gets those, I need you to fill in this form and sign and date.”

Oh boy. This is not good.

The form is titled Declaration of Item of Value: Found Property

This is getting very serious, but I’m in too deep. There is no turning back.

I scribble: black plastic sunglasses. Fill in my name, room number, date and sign. As I push the paper back across the desk he looks at me. “Ma’am, it seems it is not possible these are your glasses.”

I suck in a breath. This is it, busted big time.

“These have already been claimed, I’m so sorry.”

I only had one way to play this and I went all in. “Someone else TOOK my glasses?!”

What else could I say? I had to run the con to the end.

“I am so sorry. Let us look at the other pair, perhaps we are mistaken?” But we both knew those couldn’t be mine because they were found in a room of someone who had checked out the day before. I had not checked out, how could I have lost them in a room?

“Don’t bother. Unless you’re willing to give them to me because I don’t have any and those are lost anyway?” I tried to play on his sympathy.

To his benefit he did smile at me while he said, “no ma’am, I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way.”

Head hanging, I went to the gift shop and bought the slightly less than a million dollar pair of glasses.

I must issue the disclaimer that I don’t condone lying, nor do I think this is a particularly positive reflection of myself. But it’s a thing that happened and is moderately amusing. And, we’re all about real life here at Tri Storm.

Plus, if you leave your sunglasses in Mexico, let’s be real, you’re never getting those things back.

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