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Heard ’round the dinner table, again

person in brown camouflage pants and black nike sb stefan janoski with black socks

There’s an endless supply of material for this bit. Admittedly not all happens at dinner, but it does happen ’round the table.

L: My nose is a pond.
Me: Your nose is a pond?
L: Yes. Because there’s so much stuff inside it.

B: What are we eating?
Me: Salmon burgers.
*time goes by*
B: This tastes like salmon.
Me: It does.
B: Why is that?
Me: It is made out of salmon.
B: But where’s the burger?
Me: It is in the shape of a burger.
B: Hmmm.

*looking at the blank wall behind the table where the yearly calendar normally hangs*
J: What happened to the calendar?
Me: It’s gone, because it’s a new year. And I never got around to making a new one, so we have no calendar.
*lengthy discussion regarding my failings at calendar making*
B: What happened to the calendar?

L: Did you know, that just like Mary Poppins, Jesus lives in the sky? But without an umbrella or lipstick.

J: Is Moses the bad one?
*looks off into space*
J: Oh wait. That’s pharaoh.
Me: That feels like something you should know.
J: It’s a lot of names, Mom.

L: Good morning Mama. I’m the best girl.
Me: I’m happy for you.

B: If satan swallowed me, would God still see me?

*discussing the Easter church service*
B: We just prayed so many times. Like five times.
Me: So you’re saying we shouldn’t talk to our Heavenly Father so much?
B: Yes. Like, give the guy a break.
Me: In that case, why do you talk to your earthly mother so much?
B: You don’t need a break.

J: I’m so mad at my friend. We were playing baseball at recess and she hurt my feelings. Cuz I was standing on the one and she told me to move and not play there.
Me: The one what?
J: You know. The one.
Me: I do not know. I’m not familiar with that term.
B: Does she mean first base? Do you mean first base?
J: Yes. Whatever. The one. First base. Both ‘ones.’
*she’s really into air quotes these days*
J: Anyway. She told me I couldn’t play there because she was worried I’d get hurt. But I actually think she thought I was bad at baseball-
B: -cuz you are-
J: I mean we were using a shoe and I did get hit in the forehead, but it didn’t hurt.
Me: What about a shoe?
J: The teachers were fine with it.
Me: With you getting hit?
J: No with the shoe.
B: The shoe was the ball?
*words do not do justice to the disgust in his voice*

J: I try my best to pray every night during bedtime but good thing I got those mealtimes as backups.

There is a general attitude of disdain the middle one has for his sisters when it comes to their athletic prowess or their devotion to forcing him to play dolls or house or something equally horrifying. The majority of their interactions deteriorate into some level of name-calling, labeling as annoying, or complaints that the littlest is in his way and the biggest is too bossy. As such we have a lot of talks with him about taking care of the women in his life. Standing up for his sisters, keeping an eye on the littlest one, being bold even when it’s scary.

*discussing a mutual acquaintance*
B: I think that boy is so cool; his hair swoops over his eye, he wears Nike. So cool.
J: I guess. I mean, the other day he told me I’m rude and mean and nobody in the whole world cares about me.
(I gather my breath and my thoughts to begin parenting. I hurt for my daughter who heard these words from a boy, and I hurt for the boy who must have heard these same words from someone else.)
B: Oh man.
*looks away*
B: Well. You know that’s not true though, right Juliet?
*turns head to make eye contact, they share a smile*
J: Yeah. I know.
*I exhale all my air because he did it for me and he did it better than I would have*

I mean, that’s it. Like, that’s the peak of my parenting. I am done, I am off the clock. Set them free in the real world, they will take care of each other.

There’s still the issue of the littlest being “so annoying and always in the way.” To which I say, please view this picture snapped of them walking out of church – making sure she doesn’t get lost in the crowd. And he’ll never admit it, but he’s been known to help paint nails, “only the right hand, because it’s too hard for the girls to do it with their left hands.”

2 thoughts on “Heard ’round the dinner table, again”

  1. Thanks for sharing! I got a little choked up reading B’s support of his sister. He’s learned a lot from his parents!

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